


Don't Know If It's Real, But I Want It To Be

by TheVagabondBoy



Series: Not Just A Random Dicking [4]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, X-Men (Movieverse)
Genre: Aftercare, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Truckers, Biker Logan, Developing Relationship, Dry Humping, Emotional Conversations, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Vulnerability, Insecure Bucky Barnes, Insecure Logan, Insecurity, Kissing, M/M, Natasha Romanov Is a Good Bro, Neck Kissing, Pre-Slash, Relationship Advice, Rough Kissing, Safeword Use, Secret Relationship, The Talk, trucker logan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-17
Updated: 2019-04-17
Packaged: 2020-01-15 14:11:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,096
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18500617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheVagabondBoy/pseuds/TheVagabondBoy
Summary: Logan's at Bucky's place to spend the weekend.Bucky has a minor emotional crisis concerning their 'relatiobship'.





	Don't Know If It's Real, But I Want It To Be

**Author's Note:**

> Title from: The Magic, by Lola Blanc

Fuck, Bucky couldn’t wait for this class to be over!

It was Friday, it was his last class of the day and the week, _and_  Logan was coming to town _tonight!_  Bucky just wanted to get home and clean up and maybe cook something and get ready and figure out what to wear and maybe send some _fun_  texts to Logan, something to just make him _get there_  faster.

God, why was he so nervous? Logan would be coming off an almost week-long haul! He probably wouldn’t mind too much about what Bucky was wearing as long as Bucky was just _there_  with him, and he’d probably eat whatever reheated leftovers Bucky could scrounge up out of the fridge as long as it was at _Bucky’s place with Bucky!_  He had nothing to be nervous about! Logan had literally told him he didn’t need to make a spectacle of anything! Logan was just coming home from work, that was it, nothing more, nothing special about it.

Fuck, _coming home…_  No, Logan wasn’t actually _coming home,_  or anything. It wasn’t like he _lived_  with Bucky! He was just…coming to Bucky’s place. To stay. For a while. A few nights. Over the weekend. Logan, _his boyfriend,_  was staying over the weekend.

Bucky was both really excited and really nervous. He’d had a few relationships before, but none of them had been serious enough for either party to stay the whole weekend at the other person’s place. It just hadn’t gotten that far, he supposed. But this thing with Logan was… It was _unconventional,_  might be the word for it. It didn’t exactly follow the _‘script’_  for how normal relationships started and proceeded.

“Bucky?”

He hummed and looked up, waking from his thoughts. Natasha had gotten out of her seat beside him and was looking down at him, confused.

“What? What’s up?”

“It’s four-thirty?” Natasha said. “Class ends at four-thirty?”

 _“Oh!”_  Bucky let out and got up quickly.

He scrambled to collect his things; laptop, notebook, textbooks, pencil case, water bottle, headphones, phone, keys, wallet.

“Let’s go!” he said, squeezing past Natasha in the aisle to the stairs.

He hurried down the stairs and out the door, leaving the lecture hall in the dust. God, four-thirty _already?_  He’d known class would end at four-thirty, it always did, of course, but fuck, it made it feel like there was _no_  time to get home and do all the stuff he needed to do before Logan got back. His apartment was _a mess,_  because Bucky was a fucking _lazy slob_  who didn’t clean up after himself unless it was literally the last minute before people were coming over. Shit, maybe he had to go grocery shopping too? As far as he could recall, his fridge was dismally barren. Maybe they’d just order in instead?

 _“Bucky!_  Jesus, Bucky, _slow down!”_  Natasha shouted behind him.

Bucky woke up again, stopping for a moment. The girl caught up to him in a second and looked at him like he was insane.

“What’s _up_  with you today, man?” she asked as they started walking again, _together_ this time. “You seem distracted. What’s going on?”

Bucky took a deep breath. “Nothing. It’s nothing.”

“Don’t bullshit me, Barnes,” Natasha told him with a scoff. “Whenever you say _it’s nothing,_  it’s always _something.”_

The man sighed. He adjusted the strap of his messenger bag. They weaved through the crowds.

“You remember Logan?”

“Yeah, the guy you ditched us for last week,” Natasha replied. “What about him? And please don’t even try to pretend you didn’t sleep with him, because I know you totally did.”

Oh. Well. Um.

Bucky felt his cheeks flush slightly with embarrassment. Yeah, maybe they hadn’t been _super_  subtle about it but _jeez…_

“Uh, well. See, the thing is… Um, well, we’re kind… _together?_  Sorta,” he said, and did kind of hate how hesitant he sounded. “And he’s coming back tonight. He’s gonna spend the weekend.”

Natasha hummed. “Use protection.”

Bucky frowned as they exited the building out to the quad.

“That’s all you’ve got to say about it? _Use protection?”_

The girl shrugged. “Yeah? I dunno. I mean, I guess I _could_  tell you that he looks _way_  too old for you and even if he wasn’t, I think you could do _way_  better, _and_  I think you’re way more into him than he is into you, based solely on the interaction I saw between you last week,” she said. “I also think that whatever it is you’re worrying about in this whole _relationship_  or whatever it is you wanna call it, since you do seem hesitant to call it a relationship, is probably unwarranted because the guy did seem pretty chill? I mean, like he wouldn’t sweat the small stuff, y’know? _But_  I know that no matter what I _do_  tell you, it’s ultimately up to you to make this mistake, if it _is_  indeed a mistake but of course, I can’t see the future so I can’t say for certain either way. So yeah, if there were _sides_  in this thing, I guess I’d be on _your_ side. But I do advise you to _not_  tell Steve because I swear to God, that idiot will lose his mind. I mean, at least figure out what your deal with Logan is _before_ you tell Steve about it. He loves you like a brother and wants the best for you, but I admit, he can get a little too sanctimonious for my tastes at times. Love him to bits, though. Salt of the earth. One large coffee, black, extra strong.”

Bucky looked around, _wait, how did they end up at the front of the line at the coffee cart?_  Damn Natasha and her womanly mind-tricks, Bucky was both impressed and envious of her abilities.

“Wait, why do you think _I’m_  more into _him_ than _he’s_ into _me?”_  he questioned, though, as Natasha got her coffee and moved out of the line, trailing after her.

She sipper her coffee and shrugged once more. “I dunno, just the way you both acted? You were all flustered and shit, and he was, like, calm and collected? I guess I’d just expect him to be at least _a little_  messed up if he was _that_  into you too? Y’know, equal amounts of messed up for equal amounts of _into-him-ness?”_

Bucky had to snort. “Yeah, he got some _into-him-ness_  alright…”

“Nice,” Natasha said, high-fiving the hand Bucky held up. “Good dick?”

 _“Great_  dick. _The best_  dick. Literally the best I’ve ever had and I’ve had a lot.”

“Yes, yes, yes, all of campus knows of your slutty ways,” she said, waving him off. “You want my advice?”

“Yeah?”

She stopped, and he stopped to hear her out.

“Sit him down. Ask him what he wants out of the relationship. If he just wants a booty call, then at least you’ll know and you might avoid some heartbreak. If he does want an actual relationship, then you’ll know that too and you can go about your merry slutty ways with his amazing dick.”

Bucky took a deep breath. She was right. He knew that. She was always right.

“Thanks, Tasha,” he said with a small smile, truly grateful for her opinion.

“No worries, Buck,” she said, smiling too. “But tell this guy that I will be giving him the shovel talk as soon as I meet him but the short version is that if he hurts you, I will literally murder him.”

“Man, I love you, Tasha, you’re the best.”

“I know, and I love you too, you nerd.”

*

Logan glanced down at the clock in the dash. Fuck, it was almost five. He had to get this haul to its destination as soon as possible if he wanted to make it on time to Bucky’s place. He’d promised he’d be there by eight. He’d cut his lunch break short and taken every shortcut he could think of to cut down on his drive time but _man,_  the window was closing faster than he would’ve liked it to.

Thankfully, he had his bike in storage in the same town as the haul was going to, in a friend’s garage,  and his bike was a hell of a lot faster than the truck. He could find somewhere to park the truck for the weekend, then grab the bike and haul ass three towns over to Bucky’s door.

 _Fuck,_  why was he so up in it for this idiot kid?

Last worthwhile relationship that Logan had was, _what?_  Five, six years ago? And hell, not like he _slept around_  much either, or anything. None of it was worth the bother to him, was all.

But then there was Bucky and that night on the side of the road…

Damn if he’d ever admit it, but…he’d missed the kid since then. He’d stayed away on purpose, yeah, and he’d still missed the kid. He’d been through town a couple of times and always considered dropping in, but decided against it every time.

Bucky could do a lot better than Logan, was all. He was young and smart and handsome and all that. He could have anyone he liked, and any one of them would’ve been a better choice than Logan. Because _really,_  what did Logan have to offer? What did they have in common? Nothing, on both accounts.

Still, Logan was just…drawn to the kid somehow. Hadn’t been able to resist the pull anymore and finally sought him out last week. It was just that damn pretty face and them sweet eyes… Been stuck in Logan’s head all year since they first met. Those eyes just made Logan want to give him everything there was to give.

But to him, it just seemed like someone else could do _that_  much better than Logan could.

*

 _Question:_  How did Bucky end up going out with his friends tonight of all nights?

 _Answer:_  Because Bucky was a fucking pushover and was _seriously_  susceptible to Natasha’s Jedi mind-tricks.

So here he sat, in a shitty campus bar, drinking _virgin_  daiquiris because he wasn’t 21 yet, when he _could have been_  at home getting ready for his (hopefully) amazing weekend with Logan.

He had to admit, though. He _was_  having fun. Spending time with all friends was always fun.

Still, a thrill of excitement shot through him when he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. It _had to_  be Logan. Everyone else who texted him was at that bar with him, so it couldn’t be anyone _but_  Logan.

 

****Logan:** **

****Hey, kitten, knocked on your door but no answer** **

****Everything okay?** **

 

_Bucky:_

_Yeah! Sorry, friends dragged me out for drinks_

_U can wait there, walk home is just a couple minutes!_

 

****Logan:** **

****You want me to pick you up?** **

****Gettin dark out and if you’ve been drinkin, walkin alone isnt a good idea** **

 

_Bucky:_

_Its ok! Ive only had virgin drinks, I can walk_

_But I mean, if you WANNA pick me up, I wont mind it or nothin_

 

****Logan:** **

****Ever took a ride on a souped up Harley?****

 

_Bucky:_

_No_

_But threes a first time for everything, right?_

 

He sent Logan the address to the bar and Logan said he’d be there in a flash.

Bucky shoved his phone back in his pocket. He picked up his drink and forewent the straw, drinking the whole thing down in a few gulps.

“Sorry, guys, I gotta go,” he said as he got up, grabbing his jacket.

The gang boo-ed him out; Clint threw a balled up napkin at him, Natasha did the same with a few peanuts.

“Hey, Buck, you wanna hang out tomorrow?” Steve asked. “We’re gonna get together and play board games. That Battlestar Galactica boardgame Sam ordered finally arrived so we were gonna play a few games."

Oh, man, that did sound fun...

Then again, they usually had game nights pretty often. There’d be another one soon enough.

“Sorry, gonna be busy all weekend,” Bucky told them, hoping the lack of details wasn’t too suspicious. “Next time, I promise. See ya!”

He hurried away from their table before they could ask any more questions. He shuffled through the crowd of students to the door and slipped outside. It was indeed getting dark when he came outside. The sun was setting, the sky was turning almost black, and _jeez,_  it was cold. He hated the fall. It was already too cold out for his tastes.

He moved around on the curb as he waited, hoping to retain some heat. Soon enough, though, the unmistakable sound of a motorcycle approached. Bucky waited with bated breath. As he had hoped, the sleek bike slowed down as it got closer, finally sliding into the _no parking_  zone right in front of the bar. The engine still puttered as Logan looked up at him, eyes hidden by a pair of aviators.

“Care for a ride?” he asked, his usual smirk back on his lips.

Bucky had to laugh at the cheesy line. He hurried over and all but threw himself at the man, wrapping his arms tight around him. Logan hugged him back one-armed. He was smiling, big and wide, when Bucky pulled back after a moment.

“I hope you realize that this whole bad boy biker look is _really_  hot and I’m _super_  turned on by it,” Bucky told him plainly.

Logan scoffed at him. With his hand still resting gently on the back of Bucky’s neck, he pulled Bucky in, claiming him in a kiss. All Bucky could do was moan into it. Fuck, Logan was an amazing kisser.

He was out of breath when Logan let him up.

“Get me home,” Bucky told him. “-and _fuck me like an animal.”_

Logan smirked, licking his lips. “Hop on.”

*

They stumbled through the door. They were too enraptured in a desperately hungry kiss to care about looking where they were going.

Their hands were everywhere. Bucky could feel Logan’s big hands all over his, groping at him, feeling his body out, searching for anywhere that would make Bucky whine. They tore the clothes from each other’s bodies. Logan lost his jacket almost as soon as they were through the door, his plaid shirt followed suit rather quickly. Bucky kicked off his shoes and shrugged out of his jacket and hoodie, and tangled with his t-shirt. Logan helped him out, pulling and tugging at the fabric, dragging it off Bucky’s body. They collided together again as soon as the shirt was out of the way.

 _“Oh, God,”_  Bucky moaned, Logan’s mouth and prickly stubble on his neck. “I _want_  you, c’mon!”

Logan hummed against his throat, his hands having wandered down to grope at Bucky’s ass. “Want you too, baby,” he muttered. “Thinkin’ ‘bout this since yesterday, baby.”

The memory of yesterday morning made Bucky moan again, another pang of arousal rushing like lightning from his head to his dick.

He tore himself away from Logan. He grabbed the man by the hand instead, pulling him along as he hurried to the bedroom. It wasn’t much of a struggle, though. Logan seemed happy to follow. Bucky took Logan by the front of the white tank he wore and pulled him down as he fell back over the bed. The older man landed on top of him with a huff, his mouth going back to Bucky’s neck but quickly starting to trail down his bare chest.

Bucky whined as Logan’s hot, wet tongue lapped over one of his nipples then stopping to suck at it gently.

“Oh, fuck, _Logan,”_  he whimpered, clawing at Logan’s shoulder and losing his fingers in the man’s hair. _“Condom,_  Logan, d’we need a condom?”

Logan lifted his head. A thin string of saliva still connected him to Bucky’s chest.

“I’m clean, remember?” he said.

He licked his lips, the string between them breaking. Bucky swallowed.

“Yeah. Yeah, me too,” he said. “I just… Better safe than sorry?”

“That a sly way’a askin’ if I been sleepin’ ‘round when I’s gone?” Logan questioned flatly.

Bucky swallowed again. “Yeah. I-I-I guess so,” he said. “Don’t think I _meant_  it to be… But I guess, yeah.”

“No,” the older man said. “Haven’t been sleepin’ ‘round. We said we’d give _this_  a try, and…I ain’t _that guy,_  y’know? Wouldn’t do that to ya. To anyone.”

The kid nodded jerkily, a tentative smile crawling back onto his lips. “Okay. Okay, yeah, awesome. No condom, then,” he said.

He believed Logan when he said he was clean. He really, really did. Everything about Logan just made Bucky _trust_  him. He couldn’t say why that was, it just was.

Logan smiled again too. Fuck, he was handsome when he smiled.

Logan leaned in slowly, as if asking permission, giving Bucky every chance to stop him. Bucky didn’t _want_  to stop him. He let Logan get all the way to meet him, gladly enveloping the older man in a kiss again. Logan’s _brute force_  way of kissing got on every single one of Bucky’s nerves in the best way possible. It made his skin tingle with excitement.

They kept fumbling over what remained of their clothes. Logan’s boots and tank, his heavy leather belt, Bucky’s tight black pants, Logan’s blue jeans; their almost naked bodies rutted together perfectly, Logan’s wide hips grinding down against Bucky’ slimmer frame, his hard cock sliding just up against Bucky’s own.

God, it felt good. It felt _good._  It felt like this _thing_  between them was really real. Bucky almost felt like a fool for thinking like that. Of course it was real. Logan said they’d give it a try and that’s what they were doing.

But he couldn’t stop thinking about what Natasha said. That Bucky seemed more invested in things than Logan did. He had barely stopped thinking about it since the actual conversation. Only time he really forgot about it? When Logan was _there,_  when Logan was holding him and kissing him and making him feel so, so good.

Bucky pushed on Logan’s shoulders, making the man pull out of the fire hot kiss. He stared breathless down at Bucky with a confused look on his face.

“What? You okay?” he asked. “Somethin’ wrong?”

Bucky opened his mouth to talk but found himself unable to really put his thoughts into words.

“Red,” he said instead. “I’m - _Red.”_

Logan’s look of confusion faded into something softer. He nodded quickly. He reached his hand up, gently moving a few stray strands of hair out of Bucky’s face.

“’S okay, baby, we can take a break,” he said calmly, his voice soft and low and soothing. “How ‘bout we just cuddle up in bed, yeah? No sex or nothin’, just me holdin’ you real close and tight. How’s that sound, honey?”

The kid nodded. He wasn’t sure what to say, or how to say it. Logan moved off of him and stood up off the bed. Bucky slithered in under the covers, curling up in a tight ball.

“Hey.”

He lifted his eyes to look at Logan for a moment.

“Want me to get you somethin’? Somethin’ to drink, somethin’ to eat?” the man asked. “Anythin’ at all.”

Bucky shook his head. He pulled the covers back slightly, wordlessly telling Logan what he wanted.

“Just a minute, baby, okay?” Logan told him, reaching out to run his fingers through Bucky’s hair, once again moving it away from his face. “Gonna run and lock the door, turn out the lights. Then we’ll go to sleep. Yeah?”

Bucky nodded again.

He watched Logan walk back out of the bedroom. He listened to the man move around in the apartment. He could hear the handle of the front-door jiggle, the lock click, then the handle jiggle again. The lights went outside the bedroom went out, the apartment falling dark. A moment later, Logan appeared again. He closed the bedroom door quietly. He flicked off the ceiling lights. The bed dipped a few seconds later, the covers rustling.

Bucky’s tense body relaxed only slightly when Logan wrapped around him, pulling him in against Logan’s chest, Logan’s breaths warming the back of Bucky’s head.

“’S okay, darlin’,” the man whispered in the dark room. “Can tell me all ‘bout it if you want. Or we can talk ‘bout it tomorrow. Or we don’t gotta talk ‘bout it at all if you don’t wanna, even though I really think we _oughta_  talk ‘bout it sooner or later. You were the one who said we were gonna figure things out, yeah? Lemme help you figure this out, babe. _But_  not right now, if you don’t feel up to it.”

Bucky took a deep breath. He shuffled in Logan’s arms. He rolled over to face Logan then curled into the man’s chest instead, hiding his face even in the dark room, breathing in Logan’s perfect, heavy, musky scent.

The dark room was quiet and still. All Bucky could hear was the steady sound of Logan’s calm breaths.

“My friend…just said somethin’.”

Logan pet his head. “What’s that, baby? Couldn’t hear ya, honey, say again?”

Bucky pulled his face away from its hiding place of Logan’s chest, hopefully making himself more easily heard.

“My friend said somethin’, and it just…got me thinkin’, I guess,” he said, his voice still quite low.

With the arm still wrapped around him, Logan stroked down Bucky’s back. His hands were big and rough, but his touch was soft and gentle.

“What’d they say, baby?”

It was easier to talk when the room was pitch black. He couldn’t see Logan’s face; it felt more like he was talking to himself, rather than to another person.

“She just… She was there last week. When you came to campus. The redhead?”

“Hm, yeah, think I remember her. Said her name was Tasha or somethin’, right?”

“Yeah. Natasha. Well… We talked today. And I told her you were gonna spend the weekend. She…gave me some advice, I guess. Her…opinion. She said it looked like- Well, like _I_  was more into _you_  than _you_  were into _me._  Last week, on campus.”

“Darlin’…”

“Then she said I seemed insecure about what this relationship is and that I should just ask _you_  what you think it is, o-or what you _want_  it to be, I guess, and it’s all just been…stuck in my head.”

Logan pet him again, fingers running through his hair, down his back, pulling him closer, hugging him tighter for just a second. He felt kisses be pressed to the top of his head.

“Sweetness… Okay. I’m gonna be honest with ya. But this whole…emotional vulnerability thing ain’t my strong suit so be a _lil’_  patient with me, yeah?”

He cleared his throat. Bucky waited with bated breath.

“Relationships ain’t never been my thing, y’know. Don’t seem worth the effort. Ain’t found no one worth the effort, I guess. But, uh… I think you’re worth it. The effort, I mean. Ain’t gonna say I’m gonna be a good boyfriend or nothin’, haven’t had the practice, I guess,” Logan told him, a small chuckle at his own lack of experience. “But I’m gonna try. I think you could do a helluva lot better than _me,_  but if you wanna gimme the chance, then…I’mma do my best. Gonna try my hardest to be… _a good boyfriend,_  I guess, and put every bit’a effort I can into this relationship.”

Bucky could barely breathe.

“I feel somethin’ for you, darlin’. Don’t know what that _somethin’_  is just yet, but I wanna figure it out. With you. ‘Cause…you mean a lot to me. Hell if I know when _that_  happened but it did. Wanna spend time with you. Give you everythin’ you want in the world, _and more.”_

Bucky could hardly believe what he was hearing. The knot his insides had tied themselves into came undone. The relief was overwhelming.

“Logan… Thank you,” he said softly.

Logan kissed his head again. “Don’t need to thank me, darlin’,” he assured with a gentle voice. “But you get what I’m sayin’, right? That I wanna be with you?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I do.”

“Good. You try to sleep?”

Honestly? Bucky wasn’t tired at all. He was still worked up from their… _previous activities,_  and then all this emotional talk on top of that? He wasn’t going to fall asleep any time soon.

“Not really.”

Logan hummed. “Wanna order pizza, cuddle, and watch a movie in bed?”

Bucky’s whole chest warmed and clenched. That sounded like a great idea.

“Yeah, that sounds nice.”

**Author's Note:**

> gonna be at least one more chapter, maybe two?


End file.
